It really is good to be home.
Homecoming has been wonderful. I was picked up at the airport by Paigie, Jules, Gabey, Della and Alexys. I snuggled with the Girls on the way to Julie and Craig's, where I was given Blue Moon (from a can, still trying not to think about that) and cheese-filled pretzels (and where Cecil and Beenie Boy were reunited). CJ was there, too. We watched Scrubs and talked randomly about whatever occurred to us until it was time for bed. The next day, I enjoyed a breakfast sandwich, hugged Edie and Loren (and a few others I ran into on the street), got a haircut, and bought some "new to me" clothes. I drove my car (yea!) on Thursday and celebrated Gabey's 11th birthday. I went to a movie on Friday and checked in with some folks at Lugar de Reunion. I spent time working with the pictures I took, not really wanting to subject anyone to the 2500 photos I have. The Girls and I went horseback riding on the ridge on Saturday. The weather has been incredible since my return, even if it has been much chillier than in the days prior to my return, and being on the ridge ... whoa. Of all the wonderful sights I saw in Central America, it's really hard to beat an autumn in Wisconsin. Saturday night I attended Paige's show choir concert -- so very glad I was home for that! The Girls stayed at Julie and Craig's with me that night, and Baby Girl and I fell asleep with her having taken my hand. Sunday brought me to church. I wasn't going to attend the 9:30 service. I had wanted my first service home to be with my priest, who was on vacation, but I really missed my parish and being at the altar. Next Sunday will be the real thing, and I'm looking forward to that. We had Communion from the Reserved Sacrament for the Hispanic service, and I very much enjoyed being in that company. I went to a movie with my oldest friend, and we laughed about all sorts of things.
Homecoming really has been wonderful. And there's a difference between homecoming and re-entry.
I was supposed to (at least by my thinking) leave Craig and Julie's on Sunday, and when I went to say good-bye to Paigie, I started crying. I wasn't able to put words to it at first (which has become a more common experience than I'm comfortable with), but it was a bit of separation anxiety. I wasn't relishing being away from the two to whom I was most connected while in Central America. So, I stayed.
The next morning, I was watching television and rolled my eyes too often regarding the resources spent improving cereal. I also saw an episode of a crime drama in which a homeless man boarded a bus, announced he was homeless and hungry, and presented his cup for money. People turned away from him, and when one man did that, the homeless man took out a brick and said he could choose to use the brick but wasn't going to do that and put it away. The man he was speaking to gave him money. I thought about all the people I refused in Central America, the ones to whom I didn't give money, the taxis I declined, the items I didn't buy. I remembered thinking about what the consequences would be for refusing any of those people. Would I refuse the wrong one and find myself the victim of a crime, one committed by a desperate someone who just couldn't manage one more refusal?
I'm home, now. I stayed at my house last night, after dinner with my friend, Vicki. I had another bout of tears ... more separation stuff, I think ... and I processed that with Jules. My nephew (my roommate!) and I shared a few laughs, and after uploading a few photos to Facebook, I read myself to sleep.
I putzed on the computer this morning and ran a few errands this afternoon ... and by ran, I mean walked. I very much enjoyed my walk around my hometown. I enjoyed the chill and crispness in the air, the brilliant blue sky, and the bright autumn sun. I enjoyed the clean, wide streets and the tidy lawns. I enjoyed lawns. I enjoyed being able to walk.
My enjoyment of all that is shadowed just a bit by the memory of those who don't enjoy so much and my reactions to them. Such is re-entry -- sitting with the discrepancies in the world, trying not to feel guilty about my wealth, living with truths about myself I most likely wouldn't have known without this trip ... and rolling with all the reminders of those things just as they come.
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